


Perfect Clock

by NihilismBot



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Death, M/M, Slow Burn, Whirl POV, up until it isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-10
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-12-13 20:19:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11767593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NihilismBot/pseuds/NihilismBot
Summary: Whirl reflects on how his emotions slowly started working again.





	Perfect Clock

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Bruni](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostbeetle/profile) for being my beta!

It was easier not to give a scrap when you didn't care about anyone.

And it was easy not to care about anyone if you drove everybody away.

But, some bots didn't get chased away so easily. Some bots stuck by and insisted you were worth staying with. Some bots almost made you believe that was true.

It was a relief to have more medics on the ship with all the trouble the Lost Light seemed to get into. Really, it was optimistic of them to have such a small medical staff in the first place. And that one of the new medics was fascinated by Whirl’s time as a Wrecker was a nice bonus. 

He'd regularly ask Whirl about his time on the Wreckers, ask for more details about some missions, ask about the others on his team. He was probably breaching what was acceptable doctor-patient behavior, but he wasn't actually Whirl's doctor. (Ratchet must've felt that he couldn't burden one of the newcomers with the ship's third-worst patient. [Whirl lost the title to Rodimus and Swerve.]) There were few things Whirl loved more than himself, so he let the hero worship continue.

(Is it still hero worship if you're not really a hero?)

It was just an indulgent chance to talk about himself, nothing more. It certainly wasn't comfortable having someone around who'd sit next to him at the bar even if there were other seats available. Unnerving was what it was. Just like it was unnerving how the medic (“Frosted”? Was that his name?) didn't seem to mind Whirl's boasting threats against others. 

Even seemed amused that he left graffiti inside Ultra Magnus.

Oh, the medics brought a friend with them, Fortress Maximus! How wonderful! The only guy on the ship in need of more psychiatric help than Whirl. Couldn’t blame him really, Fort Max saw some scrap on Garrus 9. Probably would have messed anyone up. 

Maybe it would have fixed Whirl though.

Maxxy seemed awfully interested in Whirl’s story, something he would have been perfectly happy to keep to himself. But the big guy went and threatened Rung and it was one thing to threaten Whirl, he couldn’t be bothered to care about himself, but Rung? What did Eyebrows ever do? So, Whirl did his part to help Rung out only to have Swerve do his part to SHOOT RUNG IN THE HEAD! 

Did give him a distraction to stab Maxxy though. So, one good thing came from it.

Rung was out of commission for a while. Not surprising, and at least he was  **probably** going to recover. But this left Whirl with things in his head and no outlet for them. 

So he went to the medic, Forest. 

He asked about Delphi, didn’t really care but he needed to listen to something so his thoughts would quiet down. He learned about how Frost Braid had been experimenting on rebooting weak sparks by using compatible healthy sparks. Fort Max was his first test run. Must’ve been confident in his method, since failure would have meant death.

Or maybe Fist Raid just didn’t care about his own life. It was something Whirl could understand.

Didn’t have much time to chat before Whirl was whisked off on another mission. This time, to kill cons that maybe kidnapped the Circle of Light. It was going great! He even almost killed Cyclonus! 

Unfortunately, he also almost killed Rewind and he felt pretty awful about that one. So, when First Trade asked him to help save the little guy, Whirl felt obligated to actually help. Chromedome certainly appreciated it.

Funny how things work out.

See, Overlord was hiding in the basement the whole time. Great fight, lots of fun, lost a few bots though. Shame, that. The thing that stung was that Rewind was killed. Sacrificed himself to save everyone or something. Now, it wasn’t that Whirl had great affection for Rewind or anything, but he had just saved him! What a waste of a good deed!

The empty look in Chromedome’s optic whenever he saw him in the hall didn’t make his spark hurt in sympathy. And he didn’t feel compelled to speak to First Maid.

Whirl told First Fade that he used to be a chronosmith. The doctor seemed surprised, asked if he missed it. Yeah, yeah, he did. But that was a lifetime ago, two or three lifetimes ago. 

No time to dwell on that, Rodimus wanted him exploring Luna One. That was an interesting adventure. Got chased by a bounty hunter, found the Circle of Light, made amends with Cyclonus, took down a crazy zealot. Not a bad day at all!

He even managed to save Tailgate! Technically, Cyclonus saved Tailgate, but it was his idea! He told Cyclonus that he could probably transfer some of his spark’s energy to Tailgate. It was First Aid’s method of spark revival that gave him the idea. 

So, for Whirl, it was a pretty good trip!

Not so for First Aid.

The other medic, the one that turned into a leg, he got killed by a fourth medic. (Terrible thing, medics killing medics.) Whirl's medic, fell into a depression after this. There was no excited little bot chasing after him to hear about how his missions went. It felt a bit lonely, if Whirl was the type to get lonely, which he wasn't, so everything was fine. 

First Aid came to Whirl’s room unexpectedly one day. He asked him something Whirl was surprised he hadn’t asked sooner.

“Why did you want to kill Springer?”

He didn’t owe him an answer. 

“It’s terrible, watching your friend die slowly.”

Whirl didn’t notice how First Aid started to slowly tremble. 

“Terrible to watch them die quickly, too.”

Yeah, but, at least it was over and done and you didn’t have to wonder if you could save them. At least you didn’t have to hear everyone address them as an object and not a living being. At least they didn’t suffer while everyone made decisions for them.

First Aid stayed in his room that night. Probably couldn’t bear going back to his formerly shared suite. No one wanted to room with him, so Whirl had an extra berth at least. Felt weird to have someone there.

He got used to it, though. He had to. First Aid kept showing up at his room, not trembling, and asking if he could stay.

“People will start to talk.”

No reply. Maybe they already had been talking. 

“Killing Pharma… It felt terrible…” First Aid looked at the floor.

“The first one is the worst, it gets easier.” What did he want him to say? Why was he even coming to the least stable member of the crew (according to popular vote)? 

“I guess I was hoping that I'd feel nothing or that I'd be proud or… I don't know. Pharma had to die, I know that. I don't feel bad that he's dead but… I feel like I betrayed something in myself.”

What was that even supposed to mean? Whatever. Not Whirl's problem.

“I should be healing people and not killing them. Even if they deserve it.”

“Just think of it as preventative medicine.”

First Aid laughed. 

The sound didn't make Whirl's spark flutter. No. It was annoying. Why was he even laughing so hard at something that wasn't even funny?

After a time, First Aid settled back into his own suite. Whirl didn't even have a chance to miss… to appreciate the solitude before they were back on Cybertron trying to stop Shockwave from destroying the universe or something.

What was with Optimus’ exes all being destructive sociopaths?

Speak of Optimus’ failed relationships, why was Megatron now the (co-)captain of the ship?? No. This was absolutely unreasonable. Didn't even ask the crew how they felt about it. 

He'd make sure they  **knew** how he felt. 

Which is how he ended up in the medbay, short one arm.

When First Aid didn't lecture him about recklessness, it didn't surprise him.  Surely the little guy understood where he was coming from. When First Aid had a gift for him, that was a little more surprising. 

“You said you were a chronosmith. It can’t be easy to use the standard tools with your claws so, while we were on Cybertron, I got you some that you should be able to use…” 

From the way First Aid was fidgeting, it looked like there was something more he wanted to add. Whirl  **wished** he had something more to say, it would have given him more time to come up with a response better than, “Thanks.”

Then silence.

Then, “I should get you your arm back.”

“Thanks.”

Whirl didn’t go back to his room, set the tools down, and then cry. That wouldn’t have been a very cool thing to do. No, he went back to his room and did something other than cry, he just couldn’t remember what it was. 

Lots of small gaps in his memory with Atomizer around. And with Atomizer came Getaway. And with Getaway came Getaway’s plan for getting Megatron away.

“We just need Megatron to kill someone, everyone will see how ruthless he is, and he'll be off the ship. Problem is, everyone's too smart to do anything reckless around him. But that waste disposal unit. He's naive, it wouldn't be hard to fool him. And everybody likes him. Megatron wouldn't have anyone on his side if he offed Tailgate.”

“Yeah, but he’s always with Cyclonus. Not sure that’ll work out for us.” Truthfully, Whirl was trying to not completely destroy the tenuous relationship he managed to build up with Cyclonus. But also, Cyclonus would definitely ruin all their plans if he thought Tailgate was being threatened.

“Maybe that doctor, the depressed one? He could be convinced to sacrifice-”

“No.” Whirl didn't explain his interruption. 

It was stupid to have said anything, Getaway was Prowl’s protege and was no doubt going to store that information for later use. Getty didn't have as many wheels within wheels as Prowl, but he still was no doubt scheming always all the time. 

“Tailgate it is.”

There were others, no doubt, but Getaway managed to put Whirl in a position where he couldn’t draw further attention to himself or that his feelings were beginning to work properly. So fine, he could ruin whatever his relationship with Cyclonus was. Ideally, Cyclonus wouldn’t even know he was involved. Though, the not-Decepticon would no doubt find who caused Tailgate to get himself killed and then stop at nothing to tear them apart screw-by-screw.

Eh, just another relationship ruined. No big deal. 

Plotting all squared away, it was time to quest again. Though they barely got restarted on the questing before most of the crew (including Whirl) stopped existing. 

Non-existence is difficult to describe. The easiest way would be, “You know how normally you’re there? This is like the opposite of that.” Even re-existing isn’t easy to describe, “You stopped being but now you are again.” It was weird, a reminder that Whirl still had things he could lose and things he should try and hold on to. 

At least everyone else seemed calm about the whole thing. (Except Chromedome, who was all but skipping through the halls now that Rewind was back. Sort of.)

First Aid and some of the others were on a different ship and they didn’t reunite until later. By then, the medic had gotten himself into another bout of depression. (It probably had something to do with Trailbreaker being dead.) Whirl was too busy making sure Getaway’s plan was running smoothly to notice First Aid only leaving the medbay when Ratchet dragged him out. 

It didn’t take much to get into some stupid fight and have an excuse to see the Chief-Medical-Officer-In-Training. 

“I think I lost a tooth, doc.” Whirl’s optic lit up, but there was no response from First Aid other than,

“Minor dents. You’ll be fine.”

Of course he would be fine! That wasn’t the problem! First Aid not being the chipper bot that asked him for more details on his well-documented career with the Wreckers was the problem!

“I built a clock, was hoping you’d want to see it.” Half true. Whirl  **did** build a clock, but it was garbage and he wouldn’t want his name being associated with it. But if it got First Aid alone with him so he could un-sad the doctor, it would be worth it.

A pause. “Sure.”

Whirl was proud of him. First Aid made it all the way to the spare berth before he collapsed into a sobbing mess. 

“I killed Trailbreaker.”

Probably deserved it then. “How?”

“There was a bot,” First Aid explained between sobs, “he needed a transfusion or he would die. I knew it was a con, I knew and I didn’t tell them. I wanted to help! The war is over! It shouldn’t have mattered if he was a con!”

Some things would always matter. 

“But… I didn’t realize… He was part of the DJD and… I told Trailbreaker to stop, to pull out the tube but… He wanted to help him… I killed him, Whirl.”

Didn’t pull the trigger, though. Good thing First Aid turned into an ambulance, he would never have made it as a soldier.

Not that Whirl ever thought  **he** would have been a good soldier.

Speaking of the past, Brainstorm decided to take a jaunty trip there! Wanted to stop the war or something. Might’ve been nice if he told anyone else his plans so they didn’t ruin them. Turns out, not telling anyone your crazy time travel plans just makes everyone not trust you!

Just makes people have to look at the fraggers who ruined your life. Even if it does have the perk of letting you beat them to death. At least there was one positive outcome for the trip.

Also he saved Megatron, which is a weird thing to do when you’re trying to kill Megatron. But, as the saying goes, “Better to not kill Megatron than suffer a functionalist to live.” That was a saying, right? 

Something about Brainstorm’s reason, though. Something ached in his spark and he thought of First Aid. 

They all had to go to the medbay anyway to make sure they didn’t have time parasites or something, so it was easy to ask the medic to stop by his room later. Though he seemed surprised by the forwardness of the question, First Aid accepted.

“You have skilled doctor hands, right?” Whirl asked.

“Not as skilled as Ratchet’s or Pharma’s.” First Aid stalled on Pharma’s name, dragging out the “ph” as though saying the name might summon him. 

Whirl led First Aid to his desk. “I wanna show you how to make a clock. Should be easy for you. Hands and all that.”

After all, if Whirl could do a spark transplant with watch knowledge, First Aid could make a clock with transplant knowledge. Right?

Wrong. The clock was awful. Well, it was decent for a first go, but awful by any other standard. The timing of the gears was off by a marginal amount and it threw everything about the displayed time off. Whirl knew he should be lenient, first clock. But, First Aid could do surgery! Why couldn’t he make a timepiece?

“Your next one will be better.” There, closest Whirl was going to come to a compliment.

First Aid looked up at him. “Glad to know there’ll be a next time.”

Brainstorm got some sort of slap-on-the-wrist punishment. Probably deserved more, but Rewind  **was** the one to kill Megatron. And Whirl  **saved** Megatron, so he probably deserved a reward!

His reward was Ratchet leaving the ship to search for Drift. Which meant First Aid was busier than before and didn’t have time to randomly show up to his room. And that would definitely be a breach of doctor-patient relations anyway. 

Great reward.

They ran into Thunderclash’s ship at last. Which would have been a great reward just for how hilariously mopey it made Rodimus, except Thundy was dying and Rodimus was ecstatic. (Whirl thought  **he** was supposed to be the cruel one). 

Thunderclash didn’t die, and they got a new medic(Velcro?)! Which meant First Aid would have time for him again! 

Oh wait, no, of course not. Because Optimus was dealing with some other universe destroying problem and needed help again. (Which one of his exes was the problem now?) First Aid volunteered to go because he was nice like that.

“I was going to give him a photo album,” Tailgate told him, seemingly at random. Getaway might’ve been telling the minibot too much. “Maybe you should give him a gift too?”

A gift. Yeah. Seemed like a thing to do.

Whirl was even polite enough to make sure the medbay was (mostly) patient free before shouting, “Hey, doc!” 

First Aid’s visor lit up and he walked over. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I heard you were going away-”

“I know, I told you.”

“I heard you were going away so I brought you this.” Whirl handed over a poorly wrapped item.

It was a lousy present. But, he had to give him something.

First Aid carefully tore open the paper. He gasped in shock when it the item was revealed. “A clock! Shaped like an autobot emblem! Did you make this?”

“Yeah, obviously.” He should have denied making it, it wasn’t perfect and First Aid deserved better.

There was a hiss as First Aid retracted his mouth plate and looked at Whirl. First Aid smiled brightly, “Thank you. You know I’ll be back though, right?”

He knew he said that. But it was hard for Whirl to actually believe. Nothing else went right, why should this? “Yeah, I know.”

“I’ll think of you while I’m gone.” Whirl was mesmerized by First Aid’s lips as he spoke.

There was something he should have said or done but he didn’t know what. 

They were interrupted by Skids carrying Swerve in for immediate medical attention.

Whirl would be told about the whole adventure later. Sometime after he went to hide in his room and throw a few clocks on the floor, frustrated but unsure what to do. He’d hear about everyone trying to help Swerve, about how First Aid was able to save Swerve even after his ship had taken off. He’d hear every detail.

Later. Much later. He’d receive only silence when the ship returned and First Aid wasn’t there.

Mirage would offer, “He wanted you to have these,” by way of explanation for why he shoved a box into Whirl’s claws.

He knew what was going to be in the box. He knew, so he didn’t want to open it. If it didn’t open it, everything would be fine. Mirage would say First Aid got held up and will be arriving later. Groove would say First Aid is fine, but he decided to stay on Cybertron. Streetwise would say… something. Something that would be a good explanation for why his medic was not on the return shuttle.

But no.

Nothing.

Whirl took the box and went to his suite. There was a feeling inside him. One he couldn’t place, but he wanted it out.  He kicked the spare berth across the room watching it clash with the wall. He hoped it would alleviate any of the pressure in his spark, but it did nothing. His primary source for dealing with unwanted emotions was useless. In an instant, he fell to the ground.

He wasn’t too weak to stand, he simply lost his will. Sure, later, soon, he would be fine. He’d stand tall and raise hell. Now? Now everything was heavy.

Weakly, he opened the box. Knowing inside would be everything that he needed to see right now. He lifted the lid and peered in.

Two hands.

First Aid’s hands. 

Small, dextrous, lean digits. 

He almost overlooked the note.

“Now we can make the perfect clock.”


End file.
